It’s the Most Horrific Time of the Year


I really love thinking about Halloween, but the actual follow through… not so much. It’s a holiday tailored for skinny ladies, sluts, and/or creative people. I do not fall into any of these categories. For years, I got away with just wearing whatever I felt like, then splattering it with homemade blood. But how long can you really get away with calling yourself a zombie (fill in the blank)?

In 2012 I finally moved away from the blood and bought my first real costume ever – sexy Freddy Kruger… which on me was more like the world’s friendliest, not-at-all-sexy Freddy Kruger. (See above.) It was quick and easy, fairly comfortable, and virtually stress free. Plus I found the costume on clearance, so it only set me back about $20. Oh, and I got to be Freddy Freakin’ Kruger – my favorite horror icon. 2012 was an all around Halloween win.
2013, meh. I threw on some black and my friend loaned me his ginormous butterfly wings.

With 2014’s party just a couple weeks away, the search is on once again for a suitable costume. It should also be noted that my annual Halloween party is thrown by one of the most artistically gifted people I’ve ever met and he hand makes his costumes every year. So no pressure.

Here are a few options I’m considering:


This costume is far too slutty for me, but with some changes, I could definitely make this work. Overalls, a striped shirt, red shoes, a wig, and an axe. Not too difficult. Plus I could do some stellar makeup and use blood splatter without being a zombie. I really like blood splatter.

Wednesday Addams

Nothing too creative here, but with a few alterations to a black dress I already own, I could be Wednesday – a character that I absolutely love. The question is, do I possess the skills to alter my black dress? 50/50 chance. Actually, 30/70 probably. I doubt it. But maybe I could enlist some help.


Is this going to happen? No. Do I want to happen? Heck yes! Who wouldn’t want to be the Mother of Dragons? Unfortunately buying it is out of my price range and making it is too difficult/costly. But look how comfortable it would be!


I look at this costume every year because Jem is my childhood hero. It’s just SO pink! And while that was cool with childhood Rachael, adult Rachael isn’t too keen on dressing head to toe in hot pink. Still, one day I will pull the trigger on this because Jem is awesome.Remember that in 2016 when they release that abomination of a movie.

Orange is the New Black Inmate

Easiest, most comfortable costume ever. It seems like a cop out though. I’d also have to decide if I’m Morello or Alex… or more realistic for my figure, Big Boo. Life is full of hard decisions.


Davines Love Smoothing Conditioner


My entire life my hair has been on the normal to oily side. Then I turned 31 and things got weird. My hair turned into straw – the first of what I can assume will be a plethora of fun, unexpected age-induced hormonal changes. Naturally I freaked out and bought argan oil shampoo, leave-in oil treatment, and biotin (just for good measure). With the help from my new oily buddies, my hair was manageable, but still didn’t snap back to it’s once silky texture. Over 17 weeks I tried various concoctions, some more successful than others. And then it happened – Davines Love Smoothing Conditioner!

It looked unimpressive – light pink goo in a small plastic cup, adorned with a white label and black text. The packaging could use a touch of Tom Haverford swag, but what’s inside is magical! After one use, my hair was so soft that I found myself uncontrollably running my fingers though it (even after blow drying and straightening), then asking others to do the same… which is admittedly creepy. The beauty part is that I used (and have continued to use) it with cheap Suave Professionals Natural Infusion shampoo and it works like gangbusters!
There’s only one problem…

8.45 oz of this potion will set you back $27.50. Yes, that is over $3 an ounce. And yes, $3.00+ for an ounce of shampoo is absurd.
The pros to that price tag is that the conditioner is so good that you can use it with ultra cheap shampoo and still have stellar results. Also, the texture is very thick and doesn’t require more than a nickel’s worth to cover my mid-back length hair. (I work most of the product into the tips and run my fingers through the top of my head with whatever is left on them.)
Oh, one other mini-con – it doesn’t smell great. Fortunately the smell doesn’t permeate your hair, so no real harm there.

As with all hair care products, it’s hard to recommend anything to others because everyone’s hair is so different. This is designed for harsh and frizzy hair and has worked great for me. It also has great reviews online from others who share my same hair type, so that’s encouraging. Obviously if yours doesn’t fit the description, I’d steer clear of this particular conditioner. However, I have used a couple other Davines products and they are a quality brand with something for everyone.

You can buy Divines Love Smoothing Conditioner here.

E.L.F. Mineral Face Primer


As someone who doesn’t really know a lot about makeup, I have a hard time deciding which products are worth investing real money in. I recently discovered BB cream (which is worth every penny), but still debate about buying any eye shadow that is over $4.00. Price point is the main reason I love E.L.F. products. In my experience they are worth way more than the company charges. Their mineral face primer is no different.

I went to Target determined to buy ankle boots. When that didn’t work out, I headed to the cosmetics department. I didn’t need anything, but if I made the effort to go to the store, I didn’t want to walk away with nothing. That’s when I discovered E.L.F.’s face primer. I didn’t know what it was, but with “creates a flawless finish” printed on the bottle, it caught my attention. Despite my ridiculously through beauty regimen (cleanser, scrub, eye serum, face serum, oil), I still feel like have crater skin.

At $6.00 it did take some convincing from my friend to pull the trigger on buying a product I had never really heard of before and didn’t feel like I needed, but I’m really glad I did. Just like with paint primer, face primer smooths out imperfections and evens your color. (Or at least mine did. I got the tone adjusting green.) It makes your skin look and feel like velvet, which in turn makes your makeup go on smooth and stay on longer.

I’m guessing that primers can get fairly pricey, but I’m so happy with the E.L.F. brand, I don’t know why you’d need to spend over $6.00 on it. Plus, they do have other options including clear, brightening lavender, and radiant glow to fit whatever type of skin you have. This one is going on the “must have” list.

You can buy it here.